How To Deal With Premature Ejaculation in a Relationship

If you suffer from premature ejaculation (PE), you might find it hard to have sex for very long (think seconds to a minute or two) before reaching orgasm. In some cases, you may ejaculate before you penetrate your sexual partner, such as during foreplay.

Affecting about 30 percent of men, premature ejaculation is a frustrating experience, especially if it’s starting to cause relationship problems. But it’s also treatable.

From over-the-counter (OTC) medication to behavioral techniques you and your partner can try together, there are many solutions. Keep reading to find out how to deal with premature ejaculation in a relationship so you can both get more out of sex.

If a man ejaculates too early during sexual activity, such as before penetration or after having penetrative sex for a few minutes, he likely has premature ejaculation. Sometimes called early ejaculation, PE is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions.

Men with premature ejaculation find it hard to control their excitement during sexual encounters or simply feel like their penis is overly sensitive to stimulation.

The causes of premature ejaculation aren’t entirely clear, but research suggests psychological factors may contribute in many cases.

You may have a higher risk of dealing with PE if you have a mental health issue, like sexual performance anxiety or depression, or if you have unrealistic beliefs about sex, feelings of guilt, or a lack of self-confidence.

Evidence also suggests that certain medical conditions are linked to PE. This includes abnormal hormone levels, brain chemistry abnormalities, diabetes, sleep problems, erectile dysfunction (ED), and nerve damage.

Let’s get one thing clear: Premature ejaculation isn’t anyone’s fault. However, factors in your relationship can trigger or exacerbate the issue.

One sign that relationship issues may be at play is if you can control ejaculation during masturbation but not during partnered sex.

Time to Orgasm: Men vs. Women

There also appears to be a gender difference when it comes to how long it takes to reach orgasm. Generally, women take longer to orgasm than men, even if the man doesn’t have premature ejaculation.

This is one contributing factor to the orgasm gap between men and women. Some figures show that more than 90 percent of men usually experience orgasm during intercourse compared to just 50 percent of women.

There are many potential reasons women take longer to reach orgasm — not enough foreplay, a partner’s lack of knowledge about the female anatomy, etc. But one reported reason women have given is that their “partner is too fast.”

If you have anxiety about lasting long enough to give your partner an orgasm, it may lead to performance anxiety, a risk factor for PE.

Relationship Dynamics and Premature Ejaculation

Relationship dynamics may also indirectly contribute to PE, whether your partner is a man or a woman.

If your significant other is critical, dismissive, or non-communicative about sex or other relationship issues, it could lead to or exacerbate performance anxiety in the bedroom.

If you think relationship dynamics are contributing to your PE, enrolling in sex therapy or couples counseling might help you figure out what those dynamics are and how to smooth them out.

Premature ejaculation can be extremely frustrating to deal with. It can be especially vexing if you’re in a healthy, happy relationship and find that your inability to maintain control over ejaculation gets in the way of having satisfying sex. 

Over the long term, untreated PE can result in feelings of anxiety about sex, as well as an increased risk of experiencing relationship issues.

Thankfully, premature ejaculation is almost always treatable with a mix of simple changes to the way you and your partner have sex. If appropriate, medication or adjustments in technique might help you develop a higher degree of sexual control.

Partners can support each other in managing premature ejaculation by talking openly about the issue, practicing behavioral techniques together, and shifting their focus to emotional intimacy rather than solely achieving orgasm.

We’ll go over these options for successfully dealing with PE in your relationship below.

Behavioral Techniques for PE

Before using medication or other treatment options, you might consider trying behavioral techniques with your partner.

Numerous behavioral therapy techniques are used to treat PE, including two you can do during sex to slow orgasm and ejaculation. We’re talking about the squeeze method and the stop-start technique.

The squeeze technique involves having sex as normal, then stopping when you feel like you’re about to reach orgasm and ejaculate. At this point, you or your sexual partner can gently grasp the head of your penis and gently squeeze where it joins the shaft.

After a few seconds, you may feel less excited or a bit further from orgasm and ready to start having sex again. This technique can be repeated with several breaks during sex to let you recover and increase your stamina.

The stop-start technique is very similar to the squeeze technique. But with stop-start, you stop sex when you feel orgasm approaching. When you pause sexual activity, you might try thinking about something unrelated to sex to distract you from the moment.

As with the squeeze method, you can repeat the stop-start technique as needed during sex to improve your stamina and sexual functioning.

Over-the-Counter Medications

For some guys, behavioral techniques alone won’t get their premature ejaculation under control. Or you and your partner may find it inconvenient to take short breaks during sexual intercourse. In any case, you might want to think about using an over-the-counter medication to treat PE.

There are several effective OTC medical treatments for PE, including wipes and anesthetic creams containing ingredients like lidocaine or benzocaine to reduce sensitivity in your penis.

For example, Hims Clockstopper wipes contain the active ingredient benzocaine to help you stay hard for longer and avoid ejaculating too early. Or you can try our Climax Control condoms, which have benzocaine on the inside to help you last longer and stay protected during sex.

These treatments can be used a few minutes before sex. They let you quickly and easily get more control over your level of penile sensitivity and last for longer in bed with your partner. 

Prescription Medications for PE

If you have long-lasting or severe PE that doesn’t seem to get better with behavioral techniques or over-the-counter medication, consider talking to a healthcare provider about prescription medication.

Currently, no medications have been approved by the FDA (U.S. Food and Drug Administration) specifically as PE treatments. However, several existing medications are used off-label to slow down ejaculation and increase the time before you ejaculate.

Off-label means a drug is prescribed by a licensed medical provider to treat something it’s not FDA-approved for. It’s a legal and common practice.

SSRIs for Premature Ejaculation

Effective medications for treating PE are antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

For the most part, these medications are taken daily, meaning you may not need to apply cream or use a wipe before you have sex. Research shows SSRIs can produce real improvements in sexual function and delay ejaculation. How? It’s unclear, but one of their side effects is delayed orgasm.

At Hims, we offer access to several SSRIs for treating premature ejaculation online, including sertraline (the active ingredient in Zoloft^®), paroxetine (generic for Paxil^®), and fluoxetine (Prozac^®).

PDE5 Inhibitors for Premature Ejaculation

In some cases, your provider may prescribe oral ED medications like sildenafil (Viagra^®) or tadalafil (Cialis^®). Known as PDE5 inhibitors, these medications inhibit an enzyme known as phosphodiesterase type 5, or PDE5.

Review our guide to sildenafil and premature ejaculation to learn how ED medications help treat PE.

Therapy for Premature Ejaculation

When premature ejaculation is caused by an emotional issue, therapy can be an effective form of treatment.

Several types of therapy are used to treat PE, including individual psychotherapy and couples therapy. The process often involves addressing underlying issues, such as anxiety about sex or a lack of confidence in bed, that contribute to PE symptoms.

As part of therapy for PE, you may work with a sex therapist or another therapy provider to learn behavioral techniques, manage performance anxiety, or overcome issues preventing you from being intimate with your partner.

You and your partner can also do therapy together for premature ejaculation encouragement and relationship tools. For instance, you can learn different strategies for fostering communication and overcoming habits affecting your ability to enjoy sexual experiences. 

Premature ejaculation is a common problem that can potentially have a serious impact on your relationship, especially if it’s severe or persistent.

If you have PE, being open and honest with your partner is crucial. Let them know your issues are treatable, then work together using behavioral techniques, medication, or other types of treatment to improve your stamina and enjoy more satisfying sex.

Here’s what to remember about how to deal with premature ejaculation in a relationship:

• Premature ejaculation isn’t anyone’s fault. This common sexual dysfunction can happen to anyone, but it’s highly treatable. A healthy, mutually satisfying sex life is possible.

• You can work with your partner to improve PE. Using behavioral strategies during sex, like the squeeze technique or the stop-start method, can help you gain control over your ejaculation.

• Treatment options are available. If you need more support, consider over-the-counter products like benzocaine to decrease sensitivity in the penis. Or ask your provider or a urology specialist about prescription medication. Since psychological causes play a role in PE, you may want to talk to a therapist to uncover the underlying issue.

Ready to take action and treat PE? Explore premature ejaculation treatments online through our men’s sexual health platform. Prescription medications are available following a consultation with a healthcare professional.

You can also find out more about your options for successfully managing PE and improving sexual satisfaction in our full guide to stopping premature ejaculation.